So my apartment was haunted.

Haunted like your yoga loving sister with spiritually-in-tuned friends is sending you crystals and sage as a Plan A before calling a priest. I’ve seen Paranormal Activity, thank you, I know how this ends.

We had moved all my things in one day before his, and I slept in the apartment solo that first night. Everything was hunky dory until the second night.

The boyfriend was at his old place, cleaning, so he turn in his keys the next morning, and I was wiping down shelves and laying contact paper in preparation for the storm of unpacking I had planned the next day.

I climbed into bed, texted Kyle to tell him I’d be asleep when he got home, and was just dozing off when I heard a crash at the end of the hallway.

I had just enough time to think to myself “That’s odd, Kyle doesn’t usually enter the house like a drunken sailor, I hope he didn’t trip in the dark…” when something slammed into the footboard of my bed.

It was LOUD, like hear it through the ear plugs I had in to drown out my neighbor’s late night dance party loud, and shook the entire bed. I was up like a shot and yelled “KLYE!” thinking he had fallen over something and cracked his head on the bed.

Then I realized I couldn’t hear anything, and pulled the ear plugs out. I was met with silence.

“Kyle?” I tried again. Nada. I flicked on the bedside lamp. Empty room. After 30 seconds internal debate, I crawled slowly to the end of the bed and peered over the edge. Definitely not something to do in a horror movie. Ever. But this wasn’t a horror movie, right? There was nothing there.

I scrambled for my phone and called Kyle, trying to keep it casual. Like, oh hey hun, how’s it going? Where are you? When are you coming home? Why am I awake? Oh you know…there’s just something in our apartment. No, not someone, something.

Needless to say, he was home in about 30 seconds, God bless him, and we spent a good 10 minutes investigating every inch of that apartment for boxes that had fallen over, furniture that had tipped, anything at all to explain what happened. Again, nothing.

But that, ladies and gentlemen, is just evidence item #1.

They say that when there’s some sort of spirit present, the first thing that pops into your head is what that thing is. I had a distinct impression of a grumpy old man (who clearly didn’t approve of our cohabitating) and a name.

The weird thing is, I didn’t tell any one the name. But everyone I told the story too, when I mentioned I thought it was a grumpy old man, blurted out the same name that had been on my mind. And if you just thought of the name “Harold” get ready to get really freaked out.

Kyle was up at his family’s cabin for Labor Day weekend. I had just returned from helping my sister try on bridal gowns (yay!) and was doing some laundry, when I suddenly felt very very frightened. It was like I was being watched from the doorway of our bedroom where I was hanging laundry. Watched by something that really didn’t like me.

Not 100% convinced I believed in ghosts, I was all “Whatever Harold, I live here now, and if you could please not ruin my relationship by making me look like a crazy person, or possessing me, that’d be great. Thanks.”

I felt pins and needles spread across my lower back. For the next two days, I had an intense ache in that same area.

Fast forward a few nights later, Kyle was home, it was bed time, and just as I started to drift off, I heard him start talking in his sleep. He was telling someone “No.” Like I said, I’d seen paranormal activity. When your significant other starts talking/sleep walking, it’s bad news bears for you.

Harold had to go.

I told Kyle about my plans to get rid of Harold. He, amazingly, didn’t tell me I was crazy, but humored me while I googled “How to get rid of a ghost” and contemplated what type of sage to buy to cleanse our home.

Here’s the ringer. Kyle never had a problem with Harold. We always joked that because of his enthusiasm for WWII-related shows, he and Harold probably sat and watched TV together all the time. Total Ghosty Bromance.

My theory was confirmed by a single Starburst. Kyle and I inherited a large quantity of Starbursts from an awesome friend and a pinata (we’ll save that story for another day) and had the inevitable discussion about which flavor was our favorite.

Turns out we both prefer the pink ones. Adorable.

Shortly before I smoked the heck out of this place with sage, Kyle went to retrieve his slippers. He hadn’t worn said slippers since we moved in August, and they had found refuge under his shirt rack in the back corner of the closet.

So imagine our surprise when he pulled them out and found a single pink Starburst sitting inside his slipper. A Starburst that would have had to make a brave journey from the Ziploc bag inside the pantry, out of the kitchen, down the hall, into the bedroom, into the closet, and into Kyle’s slipper.

The peace offering to Mr. Kyle didn’t work. I set that sage ablaze, fired up that crystal, said some prayers, and stormed my way through the apartment like some ancient priestess.

And it worked. Harold is gone. I was probably as surprised as he was. I usually cook with sage, not burn it. But hey, whatever works.

Do I believe in ghosts? I’m still not sure. It could have been a long series of coincidences that my stressed out brain just made too much of. Or the ghost of a former resident.

Either way, I thought it was highly appropriate to create something delicious and silly to commemorate our first (and hopefully last) official (ish) haunting.

And no, Ouija boards will never make an appearance in our home. Haven’t you heard they finally made a horror movie about that too? Apparently all life lessons can be derived from horror films.

Ghostly S’mores Bars:

For the crust:

• 1/2 cup butter, room temperature
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1 large egg
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 1/3 cups all purpose flour
• 3/4 cup graham cracker crumbs
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1/4 tsp salt

For the chocolate fudge:

• 1-16 oz. package chocolate chips
• 1 can sweetened condensed milk

For the ghosts:

• 2 packages of Peeps ghosts (18 ghosts total)

Directions:

1. Grease a 9×13 inch pan, and preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

2. In a large bowl, cream together butter and sugar until light. Beat in egg and vanilla. In a small bowl, whisk together flour, graham cracker crumbs, baking powder and salt. Add to butter mixture and mix at a low speed until combined.

3. Press the dough into the bottom, and up the sides, of the pan and bake for 15 minutes, or until the edges start to turn golden brown and the middle is set.

4. In a small sauce pan, heat the sweetened condensed milk over low. Add the chocolate chips and stir until fully melted. Pour onto the graham cracker cookie base, and press the ghost Peeps into the gooey chocolate. Let everything cool to room temperature before slicing. Keep cooled bars in the fridge for 3-5 days.